I feel like in order for me to make art that is finished and successful and complete I would have to give up virtually everything else in my life. Work is a waste of time, especially when you have two jobs that pay nothing and demand a high quality of output. School is starting to be a waste of time. What am I learning? Some things, but not as much as I would like. I have no time to create or be creative its all about the old nose to the grindstone attitude, the attitude that has led me straight into therapy. I'm so overwhelmed I can barely think straight and writing it down makes it real and helps me get my thoughts straight. Work, school, work, printmaking, Lincoln portfolio exchange, Southern Graphics Print Conference, grant proposal, these are the things that "artists" deal with. Minus the school part. Unless you're a grad student, and then most of your time in school is actually spent working on something meaningful. What's the point? It feels like every other day someone says or subtly implies that art is worthless in the "real world" and what are you going to do with a degree in art anyway? MAKE ART, motherfucker. What are you going to do with that business degree? Or that math degree or science degree or english degree? Start a business, be a teacher, be a teacher, be a teacher. The only thing that our society values is money and the capitalist system that governs it. The reason no one in this culture values art is because it is seen as invaluable to society and thus removed from the realm of "legitimate jobs." The reason so many people are getting business degrees is because it is quickly becoming the only area of study that proves to be lucrative after graduation. I love being creative and making art so much, it is so much a part of me that I can barely describe it sometimes. Why would anyone create a society where happiness is deemed a hobby and rewards such as 'happiness' are supposed incentives to work hard, make a lot of money, and live the "American Dream" whatever the fuck that is. I am sick and tired of being told that art isn't valuable in the "real world." Does that mean then that everything I have worked so hard to make in my field isn't legitimate because it can't be quantified in monetary or scientific terms? Fuck that. The reason that creativity isn't rewarded in this society is because it is seen as something that is disposable, something transient, something elusive, and something trivial. As a woman and as an artist the path I have chosen is going to be especially difficult. As a woman, I am trivialized anyway, constantly under the scrutiny of others as defined by my biology. And as an artist, I will be further patronized because of art's inability to be calculable, measurable, and concrete. I am angry about this (obviously), but I know that I have every right to be. My passion and life blood is being misconstrued as invaluable. It is not invaluable. Its value is imeasurable.